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jenni_b
#1 Posted : Sunday, March 07, 2010 2:07:24 PM Quote
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Location: nr Southampton
hi

I have a friend who is a lovely mum with adopted children and her husband has a big powerful job in London, long hours etc.

she is a stay at home mum with a nice home etc and he likes it that way, it also suits her but the children miss him and she misses him etc. Been a difficult few yrs because he just isnt a great dad, cant be bothered to help around the home doesnt take the children out or think to get mothers day things etc.

anyway

he had an affair last yr, she caught him- he grovelled and they were really trying to make a go of things etc. Mainly because the children are needy and she felt they should try.

anyway

he has been acting shiftily again and she went through his phone and sure enough it is a new woman, she has been told all sorts of crap about him being seperated from his wife, nearly divorced and that they have 2 children (left middly off the list altogether). She apparently is also married with 3 kids but has money which is oh so important on his list of priorities

this is really really the end.

but she cannot face moving the children or loosing everything.

i am so angry with this horrid slimey man and I have never met him!

i dont know what to suggest to her at all, I have been divorced and did ok- but it is so scarey facing a life on your own.

Jenni xx

how to be a velvet bulldoser
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chockers
#2 Posted : Sunday, March 07, 2010 2:21:20 PM Quote
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Well if it was me .I would dovoice him because i would not trust him .
And his behaver would make me and any kids unhappy .

And also i would not brother with him as he sounds if he could lie .Well he did did,nt he
And he likeley do it again .

Chuck him out .If he has a heart he will come and vistet kids .

.It sounds a bit of a muddle up .I would if me get rid NOW
once thats sorted then new life can start .

but have to be ruthless here i think or it will go on for ever ,

christine
The chocolate eating housewife ...The washer woman .....naughty lady
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jeanb
#3 Posted : Sunday, March 07, 2010 6:12:35 PM Quote
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I think this is one of those situations where all you can do is be there for her, Jenni. Offering advice is probably a no-no, because she has to be sure in her heart of what she wants to do-and we are all different.

Having been through a divorce too, I know how wretched and unhappy she must feel - especially as the rat has done this before.

I don't understand why she has to move out - as she looks after the chilren, she would be given the house. If she does decide she wants a separation, try to persuade her to see a good matrimonial solicitor who will advise her as to her rights and the rights of the children.

Love to you all

Jeanxxx
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jenni_b
#4 Posted : Sunday, March 07, 2010 7:16:36 PM Quote
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thanks for that oh wise sages!Wink poor girl, i feel so very sorry for her you are right of course, it is her decision but I have made a suggestion of chilli powder in his jockey shorts......Blink

Jenni xx
how to be a velvet bulldoser
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christine_l
#5 Posted : Sunday, March 07, 2010 9:04:30 PM Quote
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Hello Jenni

I haven't been divorced or had my hubby have an affair but l do have 2 friends going through similar at the moment.

My advice is simply listen without offering advice, be at the end of the phone when they need you and support any decision she makes.

Beware of getting too involved though, one friend, bless her, left her husband and took up residence in my house!!! She then flitted backwards and forwards at great emotional expense before going back to him.

Christine xx
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chockers
#6 Posted : Sunday, March 07, 2010 9:29:56 PM Quote
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I think he has to provide a home for her and the kids .

in my case if it was me i would have too move as Jamie and i choise not too be on the morage for lots of reasons .
but in most cases wife and husband are on the morage .

expect for us was our choice ( was to do with earning enough to pay it ) If its paid off in our case or Steve Dies then the house is either mine or Jamies .But we choice this and it works for us .( if i was tangled up in a divoce i would not want the house as it would be a nusance )Its just where i live only .And i would have to live with in my means if you get all of that .No way could i pay the morage if my hubby left .

But i suppose the husband would have to provide a home weather rented or brought till children are 16/18


christine
The chocolate eating housewife ...The washer woman .....naughty lady
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amanda_lewin
#7 Posted : Sunday, March 07, 2010 10:24:56 PM Quote
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My advice would be to just be there for her, as you are, and to pray for her, and them.

Even though he has broken his vow of marriage and has behaved appallingly, no one can suggest she leaves or should do.

It is too private and too intimate. It does seem that he is unhappy with his situation though, so he may decide for them both.

Very very painful and absolutely catastrophic for all children involved.

Amanda
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